Dear Cedric,

I’ve been married for five years and we recently had a son (he is nine months). Last night my wife found out I cheated on her. I broke the affair up back in May, but it has came into the light. I want to salvage my marriage but I don’t think she is willing to do the same. I don’t know what she is going to do. She jumped on me last night and demanded to know everything. There are two more women she doesn’t know about. Should I tell her? Man, I’m in trouble!!! I seen your question & answer section this morning thinking you could help me.

Cedric writes:

WOW! Double WOW!

Four word question in capital bold letters: WHY ARE YOU CHEATING? If you truly want to salvage your marriage, you must answer that question first! In these matters, sometimes the answer is not always on the surface. You might have to do some deep soul searching to uncover that truth. It could be one reason or several. What are you missing at home? What has you out there disrespecting your family situation like this? Is it a sexual satisfaction issue or could it be something else? You maybe surprise to know, that some people cheat, because they are not being emotional supported and fulfilled in a relationship. Therefore, they seek emotional stimulation outside of the home, which then could lead to sex — however the sex was unintentional, it happen due to the emotional connection.

Once you figure your reason out for cheating, the work can begin to repairing your marriage. Most women are receptive to working on their marriage, if the man makes her feel wanted and secure. But there is also a percentage of women, who are not trying to hear jack! I pray, your wife is not in that number. You have shaken her foundation and she is especially raw at this time, therefore I say proceed with caution in revealing all the gory details of the affairs at this time. You definitely need to seek professional help (i.e. a counselor or pastor), I would not recommend going at this alone.

Lastly, but certainly not least, you better get yourself some knee pads — for prayer and for begging your wife for forgiveness. Keep me posted on how things are going. You and your family are in my prayers brutha and know this, there have been many men before you in this position and they made it through it.

Sincerely- Cedric


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